Running Epiphany

In an attempt to get back into shape, I have begun training for a 5K. This morning, I dragged myself out of bed before dawn to run with my new running club. The morning began with a few laps around a neighborhood basketball court followed by a couple quick sprints. The morning concluded by running a 5K to test everyone's base time. After the run, each person set their fitness goals for the next six weeks. I am hoping to shave several minutes off of my time before the next race.

This might be a trite comparison, but I see my work in mediation as a bit of an endurance race. First, you have to conduct a proper warm-up to get your muscles ready for the race. In the same way, a good opening statement by all parties can provide a warm-up to the negotiation. The opening statement sets the tone of the mediation. It is sometimes difficult, but whenever possible, it is important to neutralize negative and hostile language. The use of "fighting words" can ignite a flame that is not easily diffused during the course of the negotiation.

Second, all parties to the mediation must have a good understanding of where they stand. Today, the time it took to run the 5K allowed be to accurately assess my fitness level. In mediation, each side must listen to what is actually being said by the opposing side. Listening rather than just hearing, is paramount in reaching a settlement. Listening allows you to Plug into the verbal and non-verbal cues from your opponent. These cues can be the key to unlocking a resolution.

Finally, after the run, I looked ahead to where I want to be in the next six weeks. As I said earlier, I would like to shave a few minutes off of my time by the race. During the course of a mediation, sometimes an empass is reached. This occurs when each party to the conflict believes that they have reached the end of the run and no new ground can be covered. For some this is the end of the road but, I view this as an opportunity to assess your present position on the conflict and decide which road would be best to take.

For some, they may want to take their conflict to the legal system. Others may desire to take a second bite of the apple and return to the negotiation table. Whatever the decision, it is important to make a cost/benefit analysis. Remember: every decision has a cost. Cost goes beyond money, it can be time, energy, or a permanent loss of relationship. Whatever the cost, each party must be able to live with the ultimate results of their decision.