A Lesson Before Dying

One of the most memorable stories that I heard at the 2009 DRC conference was told by another mediator. The mediator told the story of a case that was difficult to settle due to what appeared to be an uncooperative participant. The older gentleman that refused to settle, appeared to be intoxicated. When the mediator confronted the gentleman about his capacity to continue, he made a surprising discovery. The older gentleman revealed that he was dying and only had a few months to live. The mood of the room totally changed. What first appeared to be a belligerent party turned out to be a dying man trying to settle his final affairs. Ultimately, the case settled.

It's funny how priorities change when it is revealed that life is about to end. In the book, "Tuesdays With Morrie" by Mitch Albom, a student receives a final lesson from his favorite professor, Morrie Schwartz, who is dying of Lou Gehrig's disease (ALS). In response to Morrie's frequent tears for the suffering people of the world, Albom wonders, "Maybe death is the great equalizer, the one big thing that can finally make strangers shed a tear for one another."

In mediation and in life, it is sometimes difficult to sit and reason with another person. It is not until one party is faced with a life altering event, like terminal illness, do they become willing to resolve their problems. The reason: when life is about to end, you focus on what is truly important. The trivial things of life that once seemed paramount, whither with the realization that none of those things can be taken with you to the grave.

Consider this, what if this week was your last? Who would you want to spend time with? Where would you go? What would you eat? What apologies would you give? What secret would you finally reveal?

I don't want to wait for the end of my life to shed a tear for a stranger. Both at work and at home I try to resolve conflicts. In my view, why put off resolving issues tomorrow when you can resolve them today.